just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i out mim tonsoeep
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