I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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