it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
