...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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