Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
