Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
