I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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