you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
