I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
