whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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