Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
