stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
