I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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