he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
operation have a gay friend backfired
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
