Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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