if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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