i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
