My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
