when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
