What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
