Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
