2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
