Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
