I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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