fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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