Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
