i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your penis caused this!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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