she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
