is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
