i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
