Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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