I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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