There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
