i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
