but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
