weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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