That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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