I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize