bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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