My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Randomize
