the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
