Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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