It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just cropdusted the office
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize