I think my vagina is haunted
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
