Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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