i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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