Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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