I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
