I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
