So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
