Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
