I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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