And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
