i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
