hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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