My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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