I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
