look no pants
I want to make a zoo with you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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