i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
