so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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