We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
