It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
