We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
