That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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