I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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