not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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