I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
