I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't deserve a penis
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
