it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
