I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
