weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
