dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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