I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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