yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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