That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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