did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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