Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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