Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
