i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
