Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
