Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
