I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
