i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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