All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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