I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
