3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
