after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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