i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
