Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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