i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
