Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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