I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize