there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
