They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
